Creating a star filter effect in Photoshop CS4

I found it interesting, that after posting my Christmas blog in December, I received several e-mail comments -- not about the writing, but rather about the photo of our Christmas tree.  Not exactly the response I was expecting, but flattering (I guess) none-the-less...

Most of the comments read something to the effect of: "I really like the [Christmas tree] picture.  How did you get the starbursts?" Well in the "old days" I would have used a cross screen filter on my trusty SLR's 35-70mm zoom lens, as I was taking the picture. These filters are easily available for digital SLR lenses, but I didn't happen to have a filter when I took this digital photo (and to be honest it was taken in the wee hours of Christmas morning, and I was too tired/exhausted to even think of putting a filter on at the time anyway).  So I manipulated the picture in Photoshop to get the effect (which has to be one of the chief advantages of digital photography over the "old days").

The Photoshop technique I used isn't as straight forward as applying a ready-coded starburst filter (mostly because I just don't like the results from the filters I have seen).  But this process has a finite number of steps, so that most casual Photoshop users can create the effect with a little bit of effort and, if I dare say so myself, produce some very nice images.  So here is a tutorial detailing this technique for those who expressed some interest.

DISCLAIMER: This tutorial assumes that you have some previous experience with Photoshop and understand simple concepts like selecting tools/procedures from the menus, using the magic wand, pencil and lasso tools, cutting and pasting, etc... Also, please note that clicking on the images will bring up larger, more detailed, versions.

image 1: original photo w/background isolated

To begin with, the original picture I started with needed some work. As you can see, there is a hideous shadow (the result of using the camera's flash in an unlit room), also the background is cluttered and detracts from the main focus, which is the tree.  So, my first step was to isolate the background.  This ends up being the most tedious step in the process (using a combination of Photoshop's magic wand and lasso tools).

After isolating the background, choose Select -> Inverse from the menu bar and then the copy/paste commands to create a layer that includes only the tree and presents (the foreground) then change the exposure on the background layer via the Image -> Adjustments -> Exposure menu until you get the desired effect.

image 2: after adjusting the background exposure.

As you can see in image 2, the result is a much improved photo which still retains some hint of the depth behind the tree (that depth would disappear if the foreground was simply placed on a black background).

Now that the photo is prepared, select Layer -> Merge Down from the menu bar (or type ⌘E) to create the new background layer. Then duplicate the background layer by selecting the Layer -> Duplicate Layer option from the menu.  Be sure to choose the "new" Layer 1, from the layers tray, then choose the Threshold option from the Image menu (Image -> Adjustments -> Threshold). The Threshold option converts your layer to black and white (not grey-scale, but actually black and white pixels). This will result in your workspace looking like this:

image 3: applying Threshold command to Layer 1.

As you can see, the lightest areas on the original image are now white and the remainder is black.  The goal, for a good starburst filter is to isolate the areas of white, so that they correspond to where you want the effect to show up in your photo.  I adjust the Threshold level in the dialog box to remove most of the black/white balance until the lights were the primary points of white:

image 4: adjust the Threshold Level to isolate areas where the star effect will be added to the photo.

After this step is complete, you will notice that there are still many white spots that do not correspond to the light spots where you wnt to apply the effect.  Switch to the Pencil on the Photoshop tool pallet (I used a 13px sized pencil) and blacken in any of these white spots.  To make your life slightly easier, you can zoom in and toggle the black and white layer on and off, to determine which areas to blacken out as follows:

image 5

image 6

After you have cleaned up all of the white spots on layer 1, to your satisfaction, duplicate the layer again, by selecting Layers -> Duplicate Layer from the menu.  Your layers tray should now look something like this:

image 7

Most of the set-up work is now complete, so you can get into the meat of creating the star filter effect.  To begin, select the copy of your first layer (the one that you just created) in the Layers tray.

On this layer, you will want to apply one of Photohop's pre-set filters called the motion blur.  Select the motion blur from the filters menu (Filters -> Blur -> Motion Blur).  If you have ever used motion blur before, the filter will have the last settings that you used pre-populated in its dialog box.  In all likelihood, these will need to be modified.

First, change the angle of the blur.  In this example I used a simple cross hatch where the rays of light emanate out perpendicular to each other (i.e, at 90° angles respectively).  You can choose to make your stars have more than two axes or non-perpendicular ones as well.

In this example, I chose to start by setting the blur axis to 45°.  After establishing the angle of the first axis, then you can adjust its length by changing the value in the distance box (I chose 850px).

image 8: adding the first motion blur

Now, as you can see from the accompanying scree shot, the layer appears to be solid black.  This means that the blur filter has done its job, blendeding the white spots into the black background.  However, do not fret, your streaks of white are there we just need to use the levels command to bring them back out.

Select Image -> Adjustments -> Levels to open the Levels dialog box which will look like this:

image 9: open the Levels dialog box.

Click on the white slider in the input levels chart and slide it to the left, as you do so, you will see the streaks of white lighten up as you move your mouse to the left:

image 10: bringing out the blurred streaks of light.

Now that you have "illuminated" the streaks, take a moment and jot down the values below the Input Levels graph.  You will want to use these values when you go to create the perpendicular (cross-hatched) layer. You will also notice that these streaks are fairly uniform in size and that they end rather abruptly (based on what you chose for the length in the blur step). The starburts formed on a real cross hatch filter taper off at the ends. To accomplish this, simply re-apply the motion blur filter. Since this was the last filter you used, it will be at the top of the Filter drop-down menu so select Filters -> Motion Blur (or type ⌘F):

image 11: 2nd motion blur pass.

The result of the second blur pass should give you a series of nice long, tapered, streaks:

image 12: first light streak layer complete.

Now you are going to switch from this layer back to layer 1 (the layer originally manipulated with the Threshhold level adjustment.  On this layer, you will repeat the steps above, to create another layer of streaks.  However, the blur on this layer should be perpendicular to the blur created initially.  Since I used a simple 45° blur on the initial layer, I'm just going to reverse that by changing the angle to -45° (the distance will remain the same):

image 13: creating a new layer with a perpendicular blur.

Once again, select Image -> Adjustments -> Levels from the menu, and this time type in the values you wrote down from the initial streak layer, then re-apply the secondary motion blur:

image 14: adjust the levels using the same values as the first time.

Now you'll need to blend the two "streak" layers together to create the cross-hatch effect.  I do this by using the screen option from the pull-down menu on the layers tray:

image 15: blend layers using the screen option.

The screen option works particularly well because the background on the image layers is black. The result of blending the two layers shows the classic cross-hatching that we are looking for:

image 16: after blending the "streak" layers.

Be sure you have the top most layer selected and select Layer -> Merge Down (⌘E) again, combing the two top layers:

image 17: merge the two streak layers to create the cross-hatch.

The last steps are to take the cross-hatch layer and blend it into the background image, then make any adjustments to the cross-hatch layer to "punch up" or "tone down" the starbursts, and finally to flatten the final image for the web...

Blending the starburst streaks into the background can be done using several different blend mode techniques.  As was done to create the cross-hatch layer itself, you can use the screen option to blend the layers together.  This may work for some kinds of images, but on images with rich colors the result of the screen blend maybe "too white" (it is for my tastes).  So for this example, I chose the color dodge blending option:

image 18: Blend the cross-hatch using the color dodge mode.

After applying the blending mode, use the Image -> Adjustments -> Levels menu to change the input levels on the cross-hatch layer to achieve your desired starburst effect:

image 19: adjust the levels on the cross-hatch layer before merging the layers and saving the image.

Merge the top layer down again (⌘E), and save the image in your favorite file format (JPEG or PNG for web) for the finished star filtered image.

QED

Christmas Cookies

Early yesterday, as I was finishing up the hustle and bustle of wrapping presents and getting things ready for Christmas morning, I decided to write a blog post about some of the feelings I was having, feelings that I thought were tied to this particular Christmas.

As I was writing that post, I had the epiphany that many of my fondest memories (of Christmases past) were wrapped around the cooking, and baking, that my Mom (and Great-Grandmother) did to make the holidays a special treat. Over the years, I have asked my Mom to send me recipes for many of those special family treats, and I have the tattered remains of several printed out e-mails containing our family's "secret recipes". But I always have a hard time locating them when I really need them, so now that the kids have left to go to their mother's house, I thought I would take the opportunity to share some of the recipes in this blog (providing both an archive of the the recipe, and a chance to pass the recipes along to family and friends...).

So first up are three of Santa's (and, coincidentally, my) all-time favorite cookie recipes from Mom's kitchen:

Almond Crescents

This is a very basic tea cookie recipe, but I always associate them with my Mom's Christmas cookies. They're very buttery with a pronounced almond flavor, and they are a rich treat with a cup of eggnog, or your favorite tea...

1 lb butter
3/4 cup of confectioners sugar
2 tablespoons Kirsch or white rum
2 teaspoons vanilla
4 cups of flower
4 cups ground almonds

Preheat oven to 350°F

Cream butter until light and fluffy,
Add sugar, then vanilla and liqueur. Beat in flower and then almonds - the dough will be very stiff.

Pinch off 1 tablespoon of dough and form into crescent.
Roll in confectioners sugar, and place on cookie sheet.
Bake at 350°F for 20 minutes until golden brown.
Remove from cookie sheet while still hot and roll in confectioners sugar again.
Place on wax paper to cool, and use wax paper to separate layers while storing.

Toffee Squares

These are the perfect cookie for office cookie exchanges, they make great gifts for neighbors and staff, but in my experience, Santa really loves these!

1/2 lb butter (2 sticks)
1 cup brown sugar (firmly packed)
1 egg yolk
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
2 large Hershey bars (1 lb size)
1 cup finely chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350°F

Cream butter until fluffy. Add sugar a little at a time, creaming until sugar dissolves. Add egg yolk and vanilla to butter mixture, beating well. Then add flour a little at a time until well mixed.
Spread 1/2 the dough in the bottom of a lightly greased jelly roll pan.
Bake at 350°F for 15-20 minutes till golden -- do not over bake.

While crust bakes, melt 1/2 the chocolate in microwave.
Pour the melted chocolate onto hot crust as as it comes out of the oven.
Spread the chocolate evenly over crust, sprinkle with half the nuts.
Cut into bars immediately.
Repeat for second batch.

These cookies are very rich, so make the bars small.

Kolachky

This little pastry/cookie's name is pronounced koh-LAH-chkey by my family (but how ever you pronounce it, they are delicious). The recipe came over from the Old World (Slovakia/Bohemia) with my Great-Grandmother at the turn of the 20th Century. Our family couples the cookie with a fruit preserve filling--apricot and strawberry are St. Nick's favorites! Other Eastern European cultures use poppy seed, plum, and cream cheese fillings (but any sweet pie filling will work).

3 cups flour
3 tablespoons confectioners sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/8 cups butter
2, 8 ounce packages of cream cheese
3 medium egg yolks, well beaten
3/4 cup of fruit preserves

Preheat oven to 375°F

Mix flour, sugar, baking powder and salt, then set aside.
Cream butter and cream cheese until light and fluffy...the longer the better.  Add egg yolks and beat again until light and fluffy. Add flour mix slowly and beat until completely absorbed--chill the dough until firm.
Roll out one-quarter of the dough at a time into 1/4 inch thick round...use a small cookie cutters to cut dough into 1 3/4 inch shapes (round, stars, hearts, etc...).
Make a dent in the dough shape with finger and put a 1/4 teaspoon dollop of preserves into dent.
Place one inch apart and bake at 375° for 15 minutes or until golden... remove to racks for cooling.

If you have some extra time, you can use this "made from scratch" apricot filling to pair with the cookies:

Apricot Filling

1 cup dried apricots
1/3 cup sugar
1 tablespoon butter
dash of lemon zest
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Put dried apricots into a saucepan with enough cold water to cover them.
Bring to a boil and simmer until the fruit is very soft (at least 15 minutes).
Drain off all the liquid in the pan.
Transfer plumped fruit to work bowl of food processor.
Add sugar, butter, and grated lemon zest. Process until quite smooth.
Stir in 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract. Transfer fruit filling to a bowl and
let the mixture cool before you use it to fill the kolachky.

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus...

Well, Midnight Mass has been over for hours, the presents are (finally) all wrapped, the kids are asleep, and I have a few minutes alone with my thoughts as I fall into my Christmas slumber (short as it will be, before the inevitable 6am wake-up call...). In this quiet time, I realize that I've been dreading this Christmas for the last several years. I did not know it would be this particular Christmas, but I have known that it was coming...a Christmas that will be filled with "lasts" as my oldest prepares to go to off to college, and my youngest makes the transition from true believer to Elf. The morning light will bring a Christmas filled with joy but also with some sorrow. I know Christmas can be like that, but this year seems different.

One of my family's Christmas traditions is to read a letter from Santa Claus--before we open presents. Every Christmas that I can remember has included a message from Mr. C. At first, his letter was written to my brother, sisters and me, but more recently Mr. Claus' letter has been addressed to my children (and sometimes me). Year-in and year-out, the content of these letters has largely been the same... Santa always thanks us for his eggnog and cookies (and whatever goodies we left for Rudolph and company). He always mentions the decorations, and how good the house/tree look. He tells us we have been pretty good "kids" (but still admonishes us to try and be better), and then he thanks us for believing, and challenges us to continue to do so.

I couldn't help but wonder, as I finished wrapping our presents tonight, if this year's Santa message would be any different. After all, the youngest of my children (who is almost 11 as I write this) has gone from being an absolute believer in Santa Claus to being a Christmas Elf. To be honest, I think she has known, since well before last Christmas, but was pretending not to know "the secret" for my sake -- For a number of years, she was convinced that the little boy in the Polar Express story was me (which, to be fair, I will admit to believing as well). But I was worried that she would be more than a little disappointed once I explained to her the historic Saint Nicholas, and what he has meant to generations of people.

At the same time, my oldest daughter is a high school senior this year, and she is already getting ready to leave the roost for college. I know she will be home for the holidays, but I admit to feeling a little melancholy knowing that this is a "last Christmas" for us in that regard as well. I am sad to think that my chief elf will be 3,000 miles away during much of the holiday season next year, but I do know that no matter how far she roams, there's still no place like home...

That sentiment is especially true at Christmas-time. This season has always been a magical and special time for me, and I hope for my children too. But I can't help but think that this Christmas (and those in the future) will be different now that my youngest is an Elf. I am worried that our traditions will fall by the way-side, and that "things will be different". But why? Many, maybe even most, of my best holiday memories come from the kitchen and my Mom's wonderful cookie recipes. Those aren't dependent upon the magic of Santa. When I look back, I can see how my Mom did a terrific job of making the holidays special in so many ways. I hope that I have done half as good a job for my kids as she has did for my brother, sisters and me.

Looking back at all of the holiday memories my Mom gave me, the most important was teach me to really believe in the magic of Christmas. So, let me state for the record, that I do truly believe in Santa Claus. I believe that he embodies the magic of Christmas, and I am proud to come from a long line of true believers. To this day, I continue to believe with all of my heart and soul, and to paraphrase Chris Van Allsburg, I can still hear his sleigh bell after all these years...

Part of the reason for my belief is that "becoming an Elf" in my family is a big deal. I still remember how upset my Mom was the day that I came home crying, because a neighbor kid told me that Santa Claus wasn't real. I was just a five or six year-old in Kindergarten/First Grade, and part of the reason she was upset was because her first son was still "too young" to know the secret...But, my Mom took this as an opportunity to induct me to our family's fraternity of Elves. From then on, it was my duty to keep the magic alive for my younger brother and sisters. To continue Saint Nicholas' good works.

I have had this same conversation with each of my children over the years. While the conversation has never ever gotten any easier, each of my children have taken up the banner and grown into pretty good elves -- I certainly have reason to be proud. So, why did I think it would be different this year? I'm still not sure, but I decided to try and prepare for the conversation with my youngest anyway. To that end, I thought I would look for some blogger inspiration -- after all, somewhere, someplace other parents have had the same conversations with their sons and daughters, so there is bound to be some good advice out there...

I have to say that I was immediately dismayed by the (somewhat overwhelming) number of blog posts and comments from parents who feel that the Santa Claus tradition isn't much more than a lie. It could have been my feeble search skills, but the conventional wisdom on this matter seems to be that these adult bloggers either don't want their children to accuse them of lying (seeing it as hypocritical), or they are worried that when revealing "the secret" about Santa Claus, their kids will question veracity of their belief about God and Jesus.

Personally, I find these lines of reasoning to be a bunch of hooey. Parents who have good relationships with their children, shouldn't be worried about being called liars. Part of any good parent-child relationship is how they communicate with each other about important subjects (and yes, I think this is one of those). Often times good communication is about good listening. Actively listening to your children's responses will reduce the chance of misunderstanding, dissatisfaction and discontent that your child may have upon learning this secret.

At the same time, I strongly believe that how you answer the inevitable follow-up questions, the kind that always arise like "what about the Tooth Fairy?" or "what about Jesus?" will have a lot more to do with a child's future religious beliefs. Belief has never been about what you can see, nor what you you are told. Which is why I titled this blog entry after Francis Pharcellus Church's editorial message to Virginia O'Hanlon. Back in 1897, Church got it right when he wrote to Virginia about believing:

Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

While I realize that I am simply a focus group of one, I can't remember being upset with my Mom because she had "lied" to me about Santa Claus. In fact, after getting over the shock of the revelation, I really enjoyed being part of my family's Christmas Elf tradition. And to be completely honest, my belief in Santa Claus has grown stronger since I was enlisted into the fraternity, as has my faith.

In a very round-about-way, I have already answered my question about how to discuss the secret with my daughter. The conversation took place several weeks ago, but followed the same script that my mom used with me, and the same one I used with my two older children. I am sure my daughter was a little upset when I introduced her to our family's Elf tradition, but even though she doesn't have a younger sibling (to keep the secret for) she ended up being a great Elf all during this Christmas season. I am so proud, and glad, that she has become one of my family's long line of believers.

However, if you really find yourself at a loss when it comes to explaining Santa Claus, I highly recommend Mary Anne Kamol's book The Secret of Saint Nicholas, which does a great job of blending the Bishop of Myra history along with Christmas gift-giving, to keep the magic of Christmas honest. She has done, in book form what my Mom did for me (and I hope I have done for my children) initiating the readers into the privileged fraternity of elves and as keepers of one of Santa's true secrets -- the secret only older children may know.

Although I started off lamenting that this was a Christmas of "lasts" for our family, I can now see that it is as much a Christmas of firsts. At once a new beginning and a continuation of tradition for both my youngest and oldest. It is also an opportunity for my son, the middle child, to step up and take his place as chief elf in our family tradition. I believe, with all my heart, that this will be the first of many new and bright Christmases to come...

To that end, I think I will sign off with a quote from the letter Santa Claus left for my children this year... 

I thank each of you for keeping me in your heart all throughout the year. Until I see you again -- have a very Merry Christmas, and remember, always believe! 

Love always!

Mr. C.

Morning Glory (REVIEW)

Morning Glory directed by Roger Michell
My rating: 3½ of 5 stars

Slowly, but surely, I find myself liking Rachel McAdams more and more. Her latest film, Morning Glory is the story of Becky Fuller an ambitious young producer who is, somewhat surprisingly, given the opportunity to resurrect the long-ailing, 40-year old network morning news program, "Daybreak."

Based on early promos, I had Morning Glory pegged as a typical chick flick, and went to see it with pretty low expectations. It is a good thing Mom taught me not to judge a book by its cover...because the good news is that while Morning Glory did make a nice date movie—it has a good story, a great cast, and a less-than-typical Hollywood comedy script, it really wasn't a chick flick and director Roger Michell and producer J.J. Abrams have put together an enjoyable film. Overall the movie works, so women shouldn't have a problem getting their men to watch it (once they get them to the theater).

The ensemble cast includes Diane Keaton as the show's co-anchor Colleen Peck. Keaton does good work as a spry, albeit aging, morning news personality willing to try almost anything to keep the jeopardized program afloat. Patrick Wilson is Adam (Becky's love interest), a story editor for a news magazine show. Becky clicks with Adam almost immediately but her devotion to her job interferes with her relationship throughout the film (in the romantic sub-plot). The romance between McAdams and Wilson isn't heavy-handed, and seems like mostly an afterthought—although McAdams does look great in the lingerie she wore for Adam in their second date scene (but that's neither here nor there).

Additional supporting cast include John Pankow, Jeff Goldblum, and Patti D'Arbanville who all deliver excellent supporting performances. But Harrison Ford playing the distinguished veteran newsman Michael Pomeroy headlines the ensemble. Pomeroy is an old school, serious news anchor, who maintains that the "news is a sacred temple" and that he is "too good" to stoop to doing fluff pieces, which happen to be the lifeblood of morning talk shows. Heroine Becky is able to finagle him into taking a co-anchor position across from Keaton's Peck, but neither woman can get him to warm up to the morning news routine...

I found myself laughing as writer Aline Brosh McKenna mocks the insipid jokes and fake laughs of the morning news shows that we see on camera, and more than once I wondered if the movie portrays what is really going on behind the scenes at the Today Show. Diane Keaton and Ford play off each other so well as enraged egomaniacs, their mutual upstaging and bickering, turned off just in time for the cameras to roll made me hope for more scenes of them together.

Regardless of the star power of the movie's supporting cast, Rachel McAdams is the focus of this movie. McAdams' Fuller has that schizophrenic quality that Hollywood (and to some extent our society) uses as shorthand for career-minded women. She obsesses over her work, she flits from idea to idea at an afternoon "first date" dinner (a date whom she manages to scare off in minutes), and can't quite decide when to silence her meandering babbles in front of anyone, let alone her future boss (Jeff Goldblum), a television executive who's not sure if he should take a chance on her.

I only recall seeing Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls and Sherlock Holmes prior to this movie. Playing the antagonist in Mean Girls, and she did a good job, but I really didn't realize what a very charming and talented actress she was, until Sherlock Holmes, where she played a wonderful foil to Robert Downey, Jr.'s Holmes. She more than carried her weight in that "buddy" adventure/thriller. Here, she proves to be a very good comedienne, and she is able to take Hollywood's contrived cliché of the talky, klutzy, heart of gold heroine, and turn in a performance that seems genuine and endearing. The more I see of McAdams' performances, the more I want to go see.

The real centerpieces of Morning Glory are the scenes between McAdams and Harrison Ford. At first, to me at least, Ford doesn't quite feel right as the self-important, somewhat arrogant, newsman Michael Pomeroy, who, as Becky is constantly reminded, is the "third worst person in the world." I just can't see Ford as a Cronkite, Brokaw or Rather. As the movie progresses, director Roger Michell is able take that "he doesn't quite fit" feeling and couple it with the star-power and weight that both Ford and Pomeroy posses – the weight to crush the plucky Becky (and McAdams).

What I found interesting, was how Michell controlled Ford's "star power" in much the same way a race car driver controls his speeding car to avoid crashing into the wall – a wall where the spectators/audience are watching and expecting, dare I say anticipating, a crash. Michell uses this as a Sword of Damocles. One that hangs over Becky/McAdams' head. Michell engages the audience with the star-power of Ford and moves forward the mentor/student-father/daughter relationship between Ford and McAdams' characters, all the while avoiding the crash.

These scenes, between these two principals, are each very good, pretty funny, and end up being some of my favorites scenes in the movie. From the hunting scene where they first meet, to the frittata scene at Pomeroy's apartment (foreshadowing the dénouement), Each scene is an excellent piece of the acting/directing craft.

Being a big Ford fan, I'm glad to say he did some really good work in this film, and despite my initial misgivings about him as an "elder statesman of news" Some of Pomeroy's sarcastic one-liners are simply laugh-out-loud funny. In the end I forget my initial misgivings and end up liking and identifying with his character as he warms up to McAdams.

What's not to like? Despite all of my praise for the actors, the main shortcoming of the film (for me) really has to do with the predictable, telegraphed, and underwhelming dénouement (where Becky finally gets the interview for her dream job at the Today Show, forcing her to choose between what she has created at "Daybreak" and her dream). Although we get a typical Hollywood ending, I didn't feel a sense of closure as the credits rolled. It could have been the editing, or the script itself, but it just fell flat... that said, if you are a Rachel McAdams or Harrison Ford fan, you'll enjoy this one, and I'm anxious to see McAdams' next film...

Happy Birthday!

Sometimes, I am amazed that I actually continue to learn day in and day out. You would think that as I approach another year and another birthday, in the middle of my life, I would have learned all that I need to know and would be applying and imparting that knowledge.

But I am continually surprised by the fact that there are more nuanced meanings to the things that I thought I had already learned... For instance, I remember on my 16th birthday, my Mom gave me a hand-made paperweight with Raymond Duncan's quote:

"The best substitute for experience is being sixteen."

At first, I took this as a compliment; as a sixteen-year-old, I believed I should and could do anything. The meaning of those words was clear to me as a young adult... Go forth and do, don't let anything or anyone hold you back.

Then, several years ago, my oldest daughter turned thirteen, and for the first time, I realized the extended meaning of Duncan's words. Teenagers think they know everything (at least mine do) and can do anything. I know that I felt that way. But over time, experience showed me that I clearly didn't know everything, and some things should not be done (under any circumstance).

But that kind of experience only comes through trial (and error). So how the heck can you get a teenager to understand that? The answer is you can't. So the trick for me, as a parent, is to give my children the benefit of my experience without forcing it on them. Give them the space, time, and cushion to learn things independently- this is the magical parenting trick. And if I am being quite honest, I still don't have a handle on how to do this. With my two oldest kids in high school and my youngest just entering her own pre-teen years, we have too many fights because I haven't quite learned how to get them to accept some of my hard-earned experience, nor have I learned to just let go and keep my experience to myself.

However, I'm sure it made my Mom smile when I told her I "figured out" Duncan's words. I hope my epiphany gave her some satisfaction, knowing that by age 40, I had learned a lesson she started teaching me at 16. I only hope I am as successful with my kids.

Which brings me to my thoughts today, the anniversary of my birth. I've spent some time reflecting on the first half (or so) of my life this week. In particular, thinking about what the second half will have in store for me. I don't think this is uncommon for someone to do on his or her birthday. It is like a mid-year performance review at work.

But each time I start to reflect, I remember reading and discussing the words of Walt Whitman's poem, Youth, Day, Old Age and Night, in my high school American Lit class:

Youth, large, lusty, loving--youth full of grace,
force, fascination,
Do you know that Old Age may come after you with
equal grace, force, fascination?

Day full-blown and splendid--day of the immense
sun, action, ambition, laughter,
The Night follows close with millions of suns, and
sleep and the restoring darkness.

I am sure that the common interpretation of every student in my class was that Whitman's poem was an admonition to us (young people). What I remember from that American Literature lecture was the admonishment that "you won't always be young and that old age and death are approaching." The takeaway was to enjoy your fleeting youth because it doesn't last.

I know that when young people act selfishly, their "fleeting youth" is part of the reason. But that doesn't make the actions any less selfish. I worry that if the selfishness goes unchecked, it will grow into a pattern that will continue throughout their lives. At the same time, I can see that I was (on occasion) selfish, and I turned out okay (at least according to most).

So, while I do want my children to enjoy their youth, I also want them to learn from the mistakes I've already made. I do understand and recognize, in the logical part of my brain, that they need to make their own mistakes. But when they make choices that seem to be selfish to me, this paradigm of learning from experience does seem like a no-win situation.

What I'd really like my kids to learn is something that I know now, twenty-five plus years from high school, I know to be true: Youth is certainly fleeting, but life isn't always a zero-sum game. Most things are not a "me or them" or a "right or wrong" exercise. When I first read Whitman's words, I got it wrong. Youth is not at the expense of Age, nor vice-versa.

Just as I realized there is more than one meaning to Duncan’s experience quote, I know that Whitman's words have a more nuanced meaning...

There is beauty, strength, and wonder yet to be found for the young and the old. Whitman was not lamenting aging; he wasn't saying that night and age are stalking us, lying in wait to steal our grace, force, and fascination. His words have a deeper meaning. As we grow older and more experienced, all of these things can be found in abundance, in ourselves, in our children, in those we love, and who surround us -- each of them a bright star in the darkness of our individual nights.

As I blow out the candles on my birthday cake this year, my wish will be two-fold. First, I will wish to find better ways to impart my newfound wisdom to my kids (in ways that they won't see as lessons). Second, and more importantly, I will wish that the individual action, ambition, and laughter of every "sun" in my night sky not only measure up but burn so brightly that they exceed the grace, force, and fascination of the brightest day.